Mental breakdowns, lots of sanitising and spreading the love.
It’s okay to be selfish.
So, I wanted to write this article not so that people sympathise with me and my family, but to make people understand the severity of the global pandemic we are going through. I perhaps want to change your perspective on why the lockdown is crucial, and hopefully gain an insight into our family life, living with a relative with major underlying health conditions. Personally, I don’t think there is enough media attention on this topic so I thought I would share our little story.
My 24-year-old brother Kishan, has a congenital heart condition and has had surgery twice as a child and countless medical setbacks during his life. He has suffered from Sepsis twice which led him to being in hospital for five weeks and intensive care for two weeks, and then he had to learn to walk again.
Kishan’s story is an incredible story. He is incredible. He is a survivor. No one wants to see their sibling, child, grandson or friend in hospital, fighting for their life. But he did it. Sepsis altered his life. He had to go back to university a year later and he had to make new friends. However, he succeeded and if you are lucky enough to know him this doesn’t come as a shock.
And now we are living through a global pandemic where covid-19 could severely affect him and it has changed his and our family life completely. I think it’s impossible to imagine what he’s going through, but what I do know is that it is an immense amount of fear and frustration.
I’m going to share my side of the story. On March 18th my dad came to London to move me out of my university halls to go back home as he knew lockdown was imminent and he wanted me out of the city. If I am completely honest, I was thinking that the virus would disappear in a few weeks and everything would be back to normal. I was extremely naïve and didn’t quite understand the severity of the situation. At this point there was no specific lockdown for anyone, no shielding for vulnerable people; life was “normal” (except the panic buying).
As I had stayed in the city my parents decided that I would have to do a 7-day isolation in my room. This turned into 14 days as I did get sick and have some symptoms, but it was all for precautionary reasons as the virus is deadly and we could not risk anything for my brother. At this stage I don’t know what was going through my family’s head, but mine; it was the start of my unravelling insanity.
The isolation was strict and intense. I ate all of my meals in my room that my mum would leave outside my door, I was only allowed to use one bathroom and I didn’t go downstairs for 2 weeks. The worst part was, I felt as if my family were scared to see me just in case I had the virus. I did feel alone, like an annoyance and a threat. It was possibly the worst two weeks of my life. I have to say though, I did find things to do; I had some university work, binged a lot of Netflix and had endless facetime calls but for the most part it was a horrific experience as essentially, I was trapped.
When my isolation was over the UK was in lockdown and still is. Many things have changed in my family home. We received a letter from the NHS as Kishan falls under the vulnerable sector and so we have had to make guidelines in our home. One of them was shielding which has affected our family lifestyle in so many ways as well as our relationships with each other. Shielding essentially means that Kishan is not allowed to leave the house (which he hasn’t done since the beginning of March) and also that we must ‘minimise all non-essential contact with other members of the household’.
It is safe to say that we are very strict and follow many rules. Kishan mainly spends time in his bedroom, isolating and working there, using a bathroom of his own. He has his own dining set and we have been advised to use the dishwasher all of the time. To minimise going to shops, friends and family have kindly been shopping for us leaving it outside our door and we have been using delivery slots. We will forever be grateful for their help.
It is strange because I don’t remember the last time we sat down as a family, or even sat in the same room together. We keep two metres distance at all times (mainly with Kishan to avoid any risk) and it has not been easy.
I think frustration is the main feeling we go through as a family. Frustration because my dad tells us that we need to wipe the handles again because we touched them, even though our hands are clean. Frustration because it’s a Saturday morning and my mum always wants my help with the deep cleanse in everyone’s bedrooms. Frustration because when you are down and sad the only thing you want, and need is hug but you can’t have it because we must be shielding and avoiding physical contact at all times. Adjusting to this new lifestyle hasn’t been easy for us but we are getting on with it, despite all of the frustration because we want to fight it.
I can’t say it’s all bad. It’s so easy for us to complain because we want to go back to our normal lives, but I have been enjoying myself too and we should be thankful for the time we have been given to just stop and slow down. We’ve had a family barbecue, attempted to make TikToks, shaved my brothers head, had many baking fails with countless laughing fits, done some online shopping (oops) and have received lovely gifts from friends. With university cancelling exams and assessments I have binged a lot of Netflix, had too many lie ins and naps, and annoyed my parents with my (well-deserved) laziness. Despite this, as a family we will always have that underlying fear that what if we aren’t being clean enough, or what if we accidentally touched or what if we forgot to sanitise a parcel? We live in constant fear, even if we are having our “fun” moments.
I’d say as a family we don’t really talk about our feelings. I constantly say how I feel, how I miss my friends, how I want a hug and how I fantasize about normality. The other day I was sitting with my other brother and I’m not entirely sure what we were talking about, but the topic of crying came up and how it happens pretty much daily which is okay. We are allowed to be selfish and long for the things we miss despite the situation. I must admit the house is negative, but that’s fair, it’s so easy to be when something huge is a risk to someone so close to you.
However, I am thankful for my friends who I constantly rant to and I can’t wait to be reunited with them. Although if lockdown were to ease, I still wouldn’t be able to see them as we can’t take the risk. Luckily, we have our countless Zoom and FaceTime calls and we are surrounded by very understanding people.
For me what I miss the most are the small things. Being able to eat as a family, getting a hug or just having physical touch. This lockdown is vital, and I find it difficult to understand why people don’t get that. Yes, we all struggle, but living with someone with underlying health conditions really does put everything into perspective.
I probably don’t say it enough to Kishan (so if you are reading this) of course we’d do anything to keep you safe. I guess we should also say a little thank you, for not complaining like we do and getting on with it like you always do with the obstacles you face. Yes, he never complains and takes everyday as it is, that’s just him and his incredible personality. You really are our hero.
For us normality can wait as his health will always be the most important.
We go to bed everyday thankful that he is safe, that we have each other and that our relatives and friends are also safe. We are thankful for the NHS, the keyworkers and the community coming together to fight this virus.
Stay home and stay safe x
