FROM TRYING HARD TO AVOID COVID, TO CONTRACTING IT AND DEALING WITH THE WHIRLWIND OF EMOTIONS THAT IT COMEs WITH – WHAT ARE THE REALITIES OF THE VIRUS?
We are always told how severe the virus is, but it is a whole different story when you contract it yourself. I recently tested positive for COVID-19. Admitting it feels embarrassing, evoking feelings of shame despite not being at fault; the disheartenment of knowing your efforts to protect loved ones by avoiding contact with the outside world are unsuccessful springs upon you so suddenly and unexpectedly.
In light of my compliance with such stringent lockdown procedures, unwitting exposure to the virus never occurred to me; it was only when I caught it myself that fully acknowledged that nobody is truly safe. Moreover, the unfortunate stigmatisation of testing positive and judgement from others that you are at fault often feels as threatening as the virus itself. To anyone who has caught the virus, my thoughts are with you. Know it isn’t your fault, and you did not deserve it at all. Always remember that.
Initially I thought I was asymptomatic as I didn’t feel at all ill; I was frustrated that I would have to isolate in my room for a second time. All seemed well until a few days later I started suffering from chest pains, intense migraines and the most awful exhaustion. The only way to lessen the pain was by sleeping – constantly.
An intense ten days in my room meant for a long duration of contemplating every minuscule detail of my life. Beginning with the frustration, my only thought was, ‘what do I do for such a long period?’ Although university work was there to preoccupy me, finding the motivation while entrapped within the same four walls felt virtually impossible. I felt disappointed, constantly questioning why I had ended up in this position yet again, despite not having been anywhere. However, the experience also put into perspective the severity of the virus; it is easy to forget that it lives amongst us and contracting it does put everything into perspective.
“I feel like I’m dying.” Perhaps an over-exaggeration, but it does go through your mind constantly. The virus is vicious in many ways and I think although my body was not functioning and at times felt as if it was shutting down, mentally the virus takes you someplace dark. It was an experience I hope to never repeat, but it also allowed me to take some time to process the huge changes I had encountered through the whole pandemic and the past year. Physically and mentally, it affected me, and I am still unsure as to which was worse.
Maybe I needed this time alone? Something I considered although the past year has been plentiful of the dreaded “me” time. It was a time to reflect and slow down, whilst simultaneously battling something horrific. The past year has been a rollercoaster of uncertainty, full of meltdowns, losing hope and wanting to give up. I’ve regularly had moments where I’ve wanted to shut myself away and stop caring about the future ahead. Longing for normality and grasping onto hope can be exhausting and draining. It’s a sensation we have all been feeling for too long but hopefully not for much longer.
Hope. Perhaps I just have a strange relationship with the word. Positive or realistic? The last year seems to have sucked the optimism out of me but there is always a glimmer of hope. Feeling negative and having unenthusiastic thoughts seems easier and perhaps more inviting as positivity can just lead to false expectations.
However, coming up to nearly a year of the pandemic, contracting COVID or not, taking time to reflect demonstrates how strong and resilient you are when it comes to fighting your battles. Reflecting also allows for appreciating your growth, the small glimpses of happiness and being thankful for being alive amidst all of the darkness. Sometimes it is difficult of yourself to be proud of what you have achieved when life seems so daunting. The last year has felt so impossible but I have, you have, we all have made it so far.
There is still so much to look forward to. For myself, looking ahead now involves paranoia and there will always be a sense of sadness where we have lost a year but soon enough, we will be able to hug our loved ones, eat out, travel and get our lives back on track. Perhaps my coronavirus experience was something destined to happen. Like the rest of this past year, it was eye-opening and made me remember the importance of treating myself kindly when your emotions (and a virus) are beating you up.
My overall thoughts and what I have learnt is that you should let go of the guilt and acknowledge how well you are doing for getting through each day and trying your best – after I tested positive or just by internally feeling negative. Working through everything in between will make everything easier.
Reflections, current feelings and potentially moving forward
The “new normal” is as difficult to understand as it is to accept. Society reopening was like a breath of fresh air; we felt free to relinquish repeating identical routines in identical settings. Nevertheless, it is interesting to contemplate how a potential second lockdown could mentally and physically affect us.
I started this blog on a very personal note, sharing a story that the media at the time failed to shed light upon. Nearly seven months later, I can unequivocally say that the lockdown period has changed me as a person.
I often reflect on my first post, wondering if I was just overreacting to the situation at the time, as although adjusting to a dramatically altered lifestyle was initially difficult, it became easier with time. Despite this, lockdown was not a time that I would lightly brush over; rather, it was eye opening and has drastically changed my perspective on life.
MENTAL HEALTH:
According to the Mental Health Foundation, 24 per cent of UK adults have experienced loneliness as a result of the COVID-19 lockdown, whether living alone or with family. Moreover, the adults most affected by these feelings were aged between 18-24; this is often attributed to the lack of contact and engagement with peers at university which they were previously accustomed to.
The drastic change from living comfortably away from home to returning to a home setting can be difficult. Even if not physically affected by the virus, feelings of threat, hopelessness and distrust in the government has greatly impacted the mental wellbeing of many.
EDUCATION:
Nearly all students have felt neglected during the pandemic. From adjusting to online learning in March, to the fiasco with GCSE and A-level grades, there has been a severe lack of student support and very little governmental accountability. Many are of the opinion that it is only going to get more difficult, as feelings of security and routine which come with being in education have been somewhat lost.
Although everyone is adapting and investing in resources to ensure high quality teaching, online learning will never emulate the interaction, authenticity and engaging nature of face to face education; many students are, understandably, dissatisfied with their online classes.
Large numbers of new students have just finished welcome week and will soon begin with online studies. Like current students, they may feel overwhelmed, disorganised and uncertain on how the year will pan out and the impact of this on their long term career plans. It will be interesting to see the pandemic’s impact on students’ mental health and how much support they receive during this time.
GROWTH:
Of course not everyone will have found this, but I myself have felt a sense of personal growth through lockdown and know of many others who feel the same. Lockdown was not an easy time for anyone, with everyone fighting their own battles and many still doing so. Moving back to London was a step I knew I had to take mentally, but it is also challenging after having been home for so long.
Strangely though, the word “pandemic” seems less threatening with the reopening of society and moving back to the city. We’ve learnt to pause and have all changed, both mentally and physically. We’ve seen the world from a different lens. Even as someone who likes to plan meticulously, doing so now seems futile; I have personally learnt to take every day as it comes because nothing is certain anymore. 2020 has taught me that anything is possible, and you truly have to be ready for whatever is next thrown at you.
Aside from the pandemic, 2020 has been a year of tragedy, injustice and corruption. We cannot dismiss what has happened and what is still happening and it is vital for us to grow. It is strange that the pandemic has inspired us to speak out more and make our voices heard. It is interesting to see how the virus and social injustice have simultaneously helped us become more aware of deep-rooted socio political affairs that have long required redress.
WHAT IS NEXT?
I wish I had an answer. The way the government has handled the pandemic needs a whole other article. It is embarrassing that people’s lives have been disregarded. The lack of basic human concern for others the pandemic equally connotes to a virus. We could go into another lockdown and face déjà vu, but would people comply?
It is the fine line of moving forward and learning how to deal with the virus without risking any more lives. Setting boundaries is also important. We never know what others might be going through and how they might be affected by these strange and unfamiliar circumstances; be kind, be empathetic, be thoughtful. Looking at statistics and the news is draining; the nation is growing increasingly hopeless and frustrated. What really is next? The most important thing is to stay safe and always remain cautious.
Live gigs and festivals have been cancelled due to COVID-19. The livelihood of musicians and all those behind the scenes has been severely affected. Many are out of jobs leaving the music industry at risk. How have musicians been surviving during these uncertain times?
A declining industry:
The UK Music By Numbers 2019 report revealed that the UK music industry contributed £5.2 billion to the UK economy in 2018. Employment for the industry was also at an all-time high of 190,935 in 2018. Additionally, there was an increase of up 12% in music tourism, contributing £4.5 billion to the UK economy. However, this has had a drastic decline due to the repercussions of COVID-19 with a large part of the music industry paralysed.
The music industry has cancelled many events from upcoming tours to your favourite summer festivals. Nevertheless, your mainstream artists are not suffering from the same consequences of COVID-19 to those who are new, rising artists. Those who do not have the support from superior managements have had to adjust and adapt.
A disruptor for productions:
Vanessa Catherine White is a violinist who has faced the pressures of COVID-19 as a musician. Vanessa has been playing the violin since the age of seven and has had an incredible amount of success since then. She completed her studies at the Royal Northern College of Music performing alongside many notorious violinists and performing part of many renowned orchestras during her career.
White discussed how the pandemic immediately affected her music. Back in January, White was participating in a large tableau between Belgium, Germany and the UK. She was in the midst of auditions, learning content and networking between countries. Travel was becoming increasingly difficult as there was concern for the health and safety of those participating in the production. More auditions were to take place in Switzerland however, this came to an abrupt halt in March when the pandemic was unravelling at an increased rate with the nationwide lockdown being imposed.
White explained: “Everything was cancelled and as a musician a lot of people do travel between different international borders. It cuts the music scene within the international field with many jobs affected.”
A year without live events:
There is a lot of controversy regarding how the government has handled the pandemic. If many aspects were handled different, the industry may not be in as much of a decline as it is. With lockdown being introduced in March, and now nearly August with many new restrictions, if precautions were taken sooner perhaps there could have been a summer with live concerts and more interactive events for the music industry.
White added:“As a musician, I really miss live concerts and going out and performing in different venues and different areas of the world, but as a musician or anyone in the arts, we should learn to adapt to the situation.”
Despite this, people have still been entertained during this time by using platforms such as YouTube to launch online concerts. White is the co-founder and artistic director of Festival Fresco which is based in Manchester but the festival that was due to take place at the end of June was cancelled.
Alternatively, a weekend of YouTube concerts were held, a more “virtual festival”, with a lot of support from the wider community. White said: “The fact that it was online means we did get an audience from all around the world, with nearly 3000 views.”A positive during these dark times. She further explained that “it has brought the whole world together”.
Open to change:
It has been a difficult time financially with venues becoming redundant and countless jobs lost, it is going to hit the industry really hard. Nevertheless, White added:“As things start to go back to normal, more obscure chamber groups and ensembles will be born and there could be more musicians benefiting from this time getting opportunities.”
Feeling disheartened:
For many in the creative arts industry, it is likely that creators and musicians will have the longest wait until they are faced with their normality again. Greg Burns, drummer based in Leeds has used this time to be creative when performing is not an option.
Burns, drummer who plays with and for Necktr, Lausse the Cat, Nix Northwest, B-ahwe, Sfven and Tamzene was struck by the pandemic, with opportunities being put on hold.
Burns was in London doing a session for the BBC, but at this point there was already questioning of whereabouts and many other safety precautions prior to filming. Yet, in March many events were cancelled with tours and festivals not going ahead. Burns told me: “Not only in a financial sense, but an emotional sense, you get geared up and then it all gets taken away. The first weekend was a rough one but you do get used to it”
Being innovative during this time:
Also introducing live sessions from, Greg has additionally been recording from home, having the facilities to create more music. The pandemic has also been full of opportunities with many musicians having more time to spend on writing and creating demos. A time where creativity has flourished.
Despite this, he said: “I have personally struggled”.
As a self-employed artist, Burns was unable to qualify for the governmental grant to help musicians due to his previous job. Although, charities such as Help Musicians UK and the Musicians Union have released grants to aid musicians in need. Burns added: “They were very helpful, especially for those who freelance”. Grants were handed out but the main concern for Burns is surrounding venues and if they will be able to open in the next few months.
Nevertheless, although many musicians have seen the pandemic as a step back, Burns was thankful for this time as since graduating he has been going “100 miles per hour” but now has had time to reflect on his career and reassess. He added: “You have to make the most of the time.”
Music will have a comeback:
Although, the industry has been hit by the pandemic it is still thriving in many sectors. Artists all over the world have been able to bring out new music, perhaps more meaningful and honest. Despite this, the livelihood of many musicians has turned upside down but there is confidence that performers, venues and all those behind the scenes will thrive when the time is right.
Many industries have been severely affected by the pandemic however, the arts industry has suffered like no other. The arts industry brings us joy, preserves culture and has provided us with entertainment for centuries. It is something we definitely need in these dark times. But how will they recover from the pandemic and restore their art?
Leicester is home to many creatives, specifically dancers and some of the largest productions are put on yearly at The Curve and DE Montfort Hall in the city centre. Leicester has always been known to project and embrace the arts industry whether it be visually, physically or auditory. This article focuses on the dance industry, one where dancers have felt lost and alone during this time.
Anand Bhatt, Artistic Director and Chief Executive Officer:
As an artistic director Anand Bhatt has had a lot of experience within the arts industry. He explains how he has been helping the arts industry during this time. Known for his role as executive producer for Aakash Odedra Company in Leicester, Anand has helped lead for Shiamak UK; programming the flagship Bollywood dance school across UK venues. He recently got appointed as Artistic Director and Chief Executive at Dance City. This is leading dance development agency in the North East of England.
Bhatt says: “COVID-19 when I first heard about it, and then experienced it, felt like a tsunami of disruption and cataclysmic health hazard.”
As the pandemic was unfolding, the Aakash Odedra Company were rehearsing a new show, Samsara, involving a Shanghai based dancer as a co-lead. With flight cancellations and travel bans, “there was great anxiety”, as performances had to be cancelled or postponed.
Helping the dance industry:
Many dancers, especially freelancers have been left in the dark. To help keep dance alive at Shiamak, classes were cancelled and moved to online streaming.
Bhatt says: “At Dance City, we are running a competition to have dance sessions delivered in your street, by people dancing just outside their door. This is great as it is in a live space.”
At the Aakash Odedra Company, in May the dance studio in Belgrave was open as a workspace for artists free of charge. This was a way to help artists work professionally when space is not accessible at home. Additionally, a Hardship fund was created for dance artists to help those who have struggled through lockdown. In these dark times alternative methods have been created to keep dance running in a safe way.
A financial crisis:
Bhatt says: “The organisations I work for have been hit very hard.” People always forget about the smaller aspects surrounding COVID-19; such as hiring to clean the studio between classes which can lead to more financial pressure. Not only this, theatres are also suffering, as it is uncertain whether they’ll be able to open anytime soon. This has to led to the Haymarket Theatre in Leicester to go into liquidation. This is also happening elsewhere in the UK. Anand explained that both organisations he is part of will “operate with a financial deficit this year.”
“Normality for the arts is a long way off.”
With restrictions being eased this will not drastically change the way in which the dance industry works. Despite the ongoing uncertainty Anand has hope because of how broad the world of the arts is. He says: “The arts are a haven for those who find their best languages is not a spoken one, and there are a lot of people like that. Whilst we do not have access to spaces in the same way, arts people are creative people, and they will find a way.”
“What is normal? I don’t know anymore. It doesn’t exist.”: Kesha Raithatha
Kesha Raithatha, freelance dancer and choreographer explained to me how it is coping during the dark times. This is from finding ways to be creative to balancing your mental health.
When lockdown was put in place, Kesha had to stop working on a project with Phoenix youth company, a production called “Khala Pani” (black waters), based on racism, which was a week away from being performed that was abruptly cancelled due to COVID-19. However, in the light of the BLM movement, Raithatha says: “it will hold so much more weight, post pandemic because of everything happening in the world.”
Dealing with the hardships:
From classes being cancelled to projects such as musicals taking place in London being on pause; for self-employed artists it is a difficult as content could not be created. Raithatha explained that initially she started strong, working and adapting to dancing in home, creating within her personal space. She also started teaching classes virtually in May for Aakash Odedra Young Company; teaching Kathak and contemporary dance and also is working for Shiamak as a guest instructor.
Staying relevant as an artist:
Despite this, Kesha says this time has taken her “right down to a dark hole.” Many dancers have used this time to share more on social media and experiment. However, within the dance community that has been a sense of loss, especially when some get opportunities and other don’t; it can be disheartening during these tough times.
There is in some sort a fight to stay relevant and known by the community. Raithatha says: “You can feel isolated and in this current climate it is hard to stay motivated.” She chooses not to post a lot because as a self-critical dancer she questions her art. However, she explained that work being put out is more “cathartic” as “there is a different sense of honesty”. Dancers have been innovative, setting up their own stage and lights and discovering themselves in new ways. Nevertheless, she says: “it is not without the struggle”.
Adaptability within the industry:
COVID-19 has been a time where artists have learnt to work in a new way. As restrictions begin to ease many artists are beginning to start new projects under the guidelines. Kesha Raithatha will be launching her idea of “visual busking”. This is a digital project with her collaborator to work with an audience in a more unique way, incorporating social distancing which will be displayed at Leicester’s “An Indian Summer” as a preview, with the full project released in October.
A lesson:
Raithatha metaphorically sums this experience up like being a teacher She says: “If you allow the time to teach yourself who you are, in relation to the world being upside down then it is a time of self-growth and community-growth. It has taught me my strengths physically and mentally and what I need to do to move forward.”
Shree Savani, BBC Young Dancer winner for the South Asian category and finalist has been experimental during this time:
Credit : Laura Kate Bemrose @london_reflected. From ‘Sampled 2020’ at Sadler’s Wells
For Shree Savani, Bharatanatyam dancer, lockdown prevented her from going on a rural dance tour. Additionally, a trip to Bangalore for five weeks of dance training was cancelled as cases were rising and there was a fear of being stuck in India if she were to travel.
The importance of not giving up:
Under these circumstances and the constant cancelations there is uncertainty surrounding when dancers will be able to perform again. It is very easy to want to stop and give up.
However, Shree says: “Dance is something we live off, we thrive off and as dancers we are generally adaptable and fluid people, and this is another stage.”
Nevertheless, switching to online platforms for dancers just isn’t the same due to the large adjustment, the lack of interaction between a teacher and a dancer, which is not “replicable” without face-to-face interaction.
Despite this, Shree says: “It has been amazing to see people trying new things, new styles, being creative with companies sharing and offering a lot of free things.”
We cannot forget those behind the scenes:
The government announced on the 5th of July, a £1.57 billion grant, as a support package to protect Britain’s cultural, arts and heritage institutions. This only came after many in the arts industry called out for help, signed petitions and campaigned for the government to fund the industry.
Savani says: “This is the livelihood of others, not just creators, it’s all people working in theatres, backstage, costume makers… they are all concrete slabs in the arts industry.” The industry has felt forgotten even though we depend on it daily. Although some may argue the same for other industries, support and guidance was needed from an earlier stage.
Moving forward:
During this time dancers have questioned how they will be able to unite in studios under the new guidelines. It has been a hit for the industry because to move forward so much will have to change in order to preserve the arts. For Shree, she is shooting a video, using drones, a small team and distancing to create their art. She has also learnt to film herself more dynamically for performances that are streamed, adjusting to angles that would work for an online audience.
Shree says: “It is heavy in my heart and head, with everything that has happened in the past few months to rush forward and forget. It does feel strange to be going back to something that is exciting for me personally and professionally after everything that has happened.”
Thinking positively in these dark times:
Overall, the last few months have been a difficult time for those in the dance industry. The pandemic has led to dancers to cope and adapt in a more virtual format and staying positive even well they feel under pressure to be productive. It has also been a time of enlightenment and for the industry to use their creative abilities in a new, unconventional way. It will be interesting to see the revival the arts, but this can only be done with the support of other industries.
What does the pandemic mean to someone with autism?
The pandemic has been extremely uncertain for us all. However, adjusting to a new routine and all of this change is extremely difficult for children and adults with autism, and other learning other disabilities.
In the UK, there are around 700,000 people on the autism spectrum. An additional 1.5 million people in the UK have a learning disability. Children with autism may not completely understand the severity of the virus. They may find it difficult to follow the rules and adapting to home-schooling can be even more challenging. The media is very focused on only sharing specific content when it comes to the virus. Therefore, I thought it was important to share what the virus means to someone with autism and how it has affected them.
The pandemic has caused confusion, fear and anxiety and this is heightened for those with autism and other learning disabilities. During this time there has been an immense amount of sudden change. I interviewed my cousin Manav and his mum about how they have coped during this time.
Understanding the virus:
Manav, age 14, has autism and ADHD and so the pandemic has severely affected him. This has even caused a change in personality, due to the new feelings he has been experiencing. We know and can understand how severe coronavirus is, but I wanted to know what the virus meant to Manav. He said: “it’s a disease like spreading virus around and there are symptoms like cough, cold, smell and taste goes.” Manav has been spending his time at home watching the news and understanding the symptoms of coronavirus as well as the rules.
Image – Unsplash – United Nations COVID-19 Response
Thrown out of routine:
The pandemic resulted in schools shutting from March 20th. Manav said “it was horrible, it was upsetting not seeing my friends” as he was thrown out of routine abruptly. He also spoke about how working from home is very difficult as they don’t have the same facilities that a special needs school provides. Manav said: “I was feeling very sad and frustrated.”
Lack of Governmental support:
The Government hasn’t done much to help those with learning difficulties. Trusha, Manav’s mum explained that “they have done nothing at all”. An education health and care plan were established. This allowed Manav and others with learning disabilities to be able to go school. However, at this time, the number of deaths was extremely high. Many questioned about sending their children to school due to the high risk. Keeping children at home and in lockdown seemed like the safer option. During lockdown carers could come to the house but there was a lack of PPE at this time in March, so it was too risky to take advantage of this. After doing some research I have only found care packages online and advice which the government has provided. Therefore, the government should have provided more time to see how else they could have helped special needs children.
Struggles at home:
Although it has been hard being at home for all of us. Dealing with the frustration and uncertainty is more difficult for those with autism. Manav said: “I am very sad, the coronavirus has stopped everything like dancing, swimming, yoga, holidays, seeing my friends and family”.
For Manav, not being able to socialise with people has been the hardest part of lockdown and dealing with the circumstances surrounding the virus. However, the best part has been the increased family time with Manav explaining that “spending more time with my mum and dad has been nice”.
Going back to school:
In June, many schools reopened and Manav went in three times a week for a change of atmosphere. This helped to improve his mental health after being at home for so long. Before going back, guidelines were sent out, emphasising to students that “going back to school will be different”. It was important for students to understand that everyone couldn’t come to school every day. Markings were added to fence posts to help the children stay at a safe distance from each other. Hand gel was put in place for the children. Further rules were implemented to ensure that everyone kept washing their hands throughout the day.
Image – Unsplash – United Nations COVID-19 Response
It was also important for children to understand that they were not allowed to hug or be close to each other. This can be difficult for those with autism as autistic children love showing affection towards their peers. It is a lot of information for autistic children to digest and can be an overwhelming experience to settle again.
Whilst at home, Manav’s school has also been very supportive. This was especially at times when Manav was feeling extremely low, thus more aid from the government would have been appreciated.
Manav said: “I found the PPE scary; it is very different now and we have to wash our hands all of the time, wear mask and gloves, everything really is made me frustrated”. However, after going back to school, Manav has seen an improvement in his mental health, but with it now being the summer holidays, he can’t help but feel frustrated again.
From a mother’s perspective:
There have been meltdowns which is understandable as processing constant new information and conforming to new rules is hard to adjust to. Trusha explained that at the beginning it was a big struggle but Manav has been enjoying “chilling a lot, watching TV and sitting in the garden. Trusha and Raju said: “lockdown has made him irritable and it has been hard to stick to a new routine”. Emotions have been heightened and she said that she has seen “a new Manav”. Although the changes in personality have been both good and bad, she is thankful to have had more time with him despite the challenges.
Thoughts for the future:
Dealing with the uncertainty is infuriating and Manav does have anxiety when it comes to seeing people with the new rules. Also remembering the small things like using soap when constantly washing his hands is irritating.
Despite this, he is “excited to go to school in September and make new friends” as this keeps his mind off of the virus. For all children with learning disabilities this time has been testing, but it has also been a time of reflection, where we have all learnt so much.
What our key workers think about COVID-19 and how their lives have changed:
As we cross the threshold of 100 days in lockdown, it is important that we appreciate those who have been directly fighting the virus. Whether it be our key workers on the frontline or those behind the scenes providing us with our essentials. I wanted to share their lockdown stories.
Time has flown by since the panic buying, everyone rushing back to their family homes, and not being allowed to see family and friends. That has been the norm for the majority of people in the UK. However, we must recognise what our key workers have and still are experiencing, as they battle the virus hand on, as well as other key workers who have had to face the scrutiny of the public.
I interviewed a few key workers to understand their perspective. There is so much that the media and our own government doesn’t tell us. I wanted to write this piece, so people are aware of what our key workers have gone through and still are. Some who I interviewed have asked to remain anonymous.
Being an ITU Support Nurse during COVID-19:
It was extremely important to me to get in contact with a key worker on the frontline. Someone who has been risking their life to save others on a daily basis. However, a nurse that I spoke to explained that this is her job and purpose; this is something she would be doing regardless, just fighting at a greater degree. Previously as a theatre recovery nurse, but since COVID-19 an ITU support nurse, she explained to me what it is like working in ITU (intensive treatment unit) with critically ill positive COVID patients.
When asked about how she felt when she first learnt about COVID-19 she said: “I didn’t think it was going to be anything.” A very similar response to what the nation was thinking back in early March, naïve to the severity of the situation thinking that it would “come and go very quickly”.
This was not the case. Changes were immediately made at work, as she shifted from part-time to full-time. Shift patterns were altered, having to adapt to 13-hour long days, but also working nights and weekends. In addition to these changes, it was required to learn very quickly how to use ventilators and of course for this nurse learning how to use ITU equipment after the sudden change from usually working as a theatre recovery nurse.
Mental health and juggling home life:
Working as an ITU support nurse is extremely challenging and can take a toll on your mental health. The nurse said: “To begin with I didn’t think my mental health was affected, I cruised through, but further along I’ve dealt with sad stories and felt a lot lower. I didn’t want to go to work as I felt anxious.” Alongside these feelings, as a mother she has had to juggle home-schooling. Although as a key worker, her child could have gone into school, her child is diagnosed with ADH. She decided that it wouldn’t have worked. A new school setting is difficult to settle into and therefore home-schooling was the only option.
Being labelled as a keyworker:
The term keyworker can be interpreted in many ways. For some it is honourable but for others they don’t quite understand the labelling as it is their job! This nurse explained that “nursing is nursing” and said: “I didn’t like it because it is my job, and this is what I get paid to do.” She also showed compassion for those who have lost their jobs and haven’t gotten any praise. In addition, she found the clapping “awkward” as there are so many other people who deserve recognition.
Challenges and thoughts for the future:
Fighting against COVID-19 is extremely difficult and can be disheartening at times even when you are trying your hardest. The nurse said: “I am d43567oing everything I can, knowing most of them are going to die regardless of what I do.”
Working on the frontline is exhausting, pressurising and it is frustrating when non-key workers don’t realise this. Although the death rate is decreasing and lockdown restrictions are being eased, it important for non-key workers to realise that their actions have massive consequences.
She said that the unit is almost back to their limit which is overwhelming. Having just got rid of every critical patient, the unit is starting to get full again. She thinks that the government has eased the lockdown too early, confusing the nation with the guidelines and could have done a lot more to help.
She said: “A lot more people without their families in the unit who die without saying goodbye.” Those who break guidelines are making hospital admissions higher and it is vital that people understand this.
Photo by United Nations “COVID-19 Response” on Unsplash
Although these times have and still are difficult, she has learnt that “family is the most important thing”. She explained that on a day-to-day basis, we really do take our family and friends for granted. Having gratitude for a more basic life is something that she has personally learnt during this time.
However, she said: “I hate my job right now, but I will like it when it becomes normal again.”
Working as a dental nurse and epidemiology field worker:
I also wanted to interview a dental nurse as they were not allowed to see patients face to face. As a dental nurse, this job requires assisting the dentist in all aspects of the patient’s journey and epidemiology involves gathering statistics for public health England to determine the health of teeth within the local area.
A change in lifestyle:
When first learning of COVID-19, Leanne said she was “very scared” because of the uncertainty. She said: “I guess it didn’t really hit home until the schools shut and we went into lockdown.” Leanne was grateful that the companies she worked for were flexible with the situation as she was in a position where she had no childcare for her two children.
Like the majority of the nation, she became obsessed with cleanliness, constantly using hand gel and ensuring that her children were not touching things when they were out. Leanne said she struggled to become a stay at home mum, working part-time as a teacher as well as a nurse, summarising it as a “juggling act”. However, she was able to create her own pro-active educational tasks including growing frogspawn!
The highs and low:
As a key worker it is frustrating as non-key workers don’t use gloves and masks properly. As for the government she described it as them “winging it”, guessing what to do with their plans and being questionable. Leanne said: “it all feels quite surreal still”, as she faces challenges when doing her food shop. However, she feels as if her job has a purpose and therefore is happy being labelled as a key worker.
Overall Leanne explained how she doesn’t believe anything will go back to normal for a while. She said: “I can’t really see the light at the end of the tunnel yet and just feel I can’t do what I enjoy anymore.” Nevertheless, Leanne is grateful to still have a job and to be able to help people during this hard time.
Honouring our shop workers:
I interviewed two retail managers working in ASDA to understand how they have coped during this time. At first, they said that they were scared and didn’t know what to expect in retail especially with the panic buying. Social distancing was put into place, PPE for staff and they were having to control customers and their behaviours when rules were not followed.
The pair said: “Working is not physically tiring, just mentally as we have to think twice.”
However, they are flattered to be known as keyworkers as someone has to do this job even if it means being exposed and at risk.
Lessons we should take from this:
Although restrictions have eased, the way we shop hasn’t changed. As retail managers they explained that people need to respect each other more. They have had experiences with nasty customers, some who threatened them when not following the guidelines which they said was “frustrating”.
They said: “over the last 14 weeks it has been tough, and it still is tough.” Working in the shops means that every day is different, they don’t know who will follow rules and who will disobey. As restrictions begin to ease, they say that they are still “uncertain about the virus”.
Overall:
As lockdown restrictions are easing, I hope people realise that the virus hasn’t disappeared. There is a long way to go still and although it seems like a sense of “normality” has come back, remember those who are still battling the virus on the frontline and our many other key workers. These were just a few stories that I had the opportunity to share but there are so many people we should honour for tirelessly working during this pandemic.
This Sunday also marks 72 years since the NHS and social care system was established. 2020 has been the most challenging year for the NHS as they continue to battle coronavirus. So, on behalf of them, and all our key workers, wear a mask, continue to social distance and stay safe.
Mental breakdowns, lots of sanitising and spreading the love.
It’s okay to be selfish.
So, I wanted to write this article not so that people sympathise with me and my family, but to make people understand the severity of the global pandemic we are going through. I perhaps want to change your perspective on why the lockdown is crucial, and hopefully gain an insight into our family life, living with a relative with major underlying health conditions. Personally, I don’t think there is enough media attention on this topic so I thought I would share our little story.
My 24-year-old brother Kishan, has a congenital heart condition and has had surgery twice as a child and countless medical setbacks during his life. He has suffered from Sepsis twice which led him to being in hospital for five weeks and intensive care for two weeks, and then he had to learn to walk again.
Kishan’s story is an incredible story. He is incredible. He is a survivor. No one wants to see their sibling, child, grandson or friend in hospital, fighting for their life. But he did it. Sepsis altered his life. He had to go back to university a year later and he had to make new friends. However, he succeeded and if you are lucky enough to know him this doesn’t come as a shock.
And now we are living through a global pandemic where covid-19 could severely affect him and it has changed his and our family life completely. I think it’s impossible to imagine what he’s going through, but what I do know is that it is an immense amount of fear and frustration.
I’m going to share my side of the story. On March 18th my dad came to London to move me out of my university halls to go back home as he knew lockdown was imminent and he wanted me out of the city. If I am completely honest, I was thinking that the virus would disappear in a few weeks and everything would be back to normal. I was extremely naïve and didn’t quite understand the severity of the situation. At this point there was no specific lockdown for anyone, no shielding for vulnerable people; life was “normal” (except the panic buying).
As I had stayed in the city my parents decided that I would have to do a 7-day isolation in my room. This turned into 14 days as I did get sick and have some symptoms, but it was all for precautionary reasons as the virus is deadly and we could not risk anything for my brother. At this stage I don’t know what was going through my family’s head, but mine; it was the start of my unravelling insanity.
The isolation was strict and intense. I ate all of my meals in my room that my mum would leave outside my door, I was only allowed to use one bathroom and I didn’t go downstairs for 2 weeks. The worst part was, I felt as if my family were scared to see me just in case I had the virus. I did feel alone, like an annoyance and a threat. It was possibly the worst two weeks of my life. I have to say though, I did find things to do; I had some university work, binged a lot of Netflix and had endless facetime calls but for the most part it was a horrific experience as essentially, I was trapped.
When my isolation was over the UK was in lockdown and still is. Many things have changed in my family home. We received a letter from the NHS as Kishan falls under the vulnerable sector and so we have had to make guidelines in our home. One of them was shielding which has affected our family lifestyle in so many ways as well as our relationships with each other. Shielding essentially means that Kishan is not allowed to leave the house (which he hasn’t done since the beginning of March) and also that we must ‘minimise all non-essential contact with other members of the household’.
It is safe to say that we are very strict and follow many rules. Kishan mainly spends time in his bedroom, isolating and working there, using a bathroom of his own. He has his own dining set and we have been advised to use the dishwasher all of the time. To minimise going to shops, friends and family have kindly been shopping for us leaving it outside our door and we have been using delivery slots. We will forever be grateful for their help.
It is strange because I don’t remember the last time we sat down as a family, or even sat in the same room together. We keep two metres distance at all times (mainly with Kishan to avoid any risk) and it has not been easy.
I think frustration is the main feeling we go through as a family. Frustration because my dad tells us that we need to wipe the handles again because we touched them, even though our hands are clean. Frustration because it’s a Saturday morning and my mum always wants my help with the deep cleanse in everyone’s bedrooms. Frustration because when you are down and sad the only thing you want, and need is hug but you can’t have it because we must be shielding and avoiding physical contact at all times. Adjusting to this new lifestyle hasn’t been easy for us but we are getting on with it, despite all of the frustration because we want to fight it.
I can’t say it’s all bad. It’s so easy for us to complain because we want to go back to our normal lives, but I have been enjoying myself too and we should be thankful for the time we have been given to just stop and slow down. We’ve had a family barbecue, attempted to make TikToks, shaved my brothers head, had many baking fails with countless laughing fits, done some online shopping (oops) and have received lovely gifts from friends. With university cancelling exams and assessments I have binged a lot of Netflix, had too many lie ins and naps, and annoyed my parents with my (well-deserved) laziness. Despite this, as a family we will always have that underlying fear that what if we aren’t being clean enough, or what if we accidentally touched or what if we forgot to sanitise a parcel? We live in constant fear, even if we are having our “fun” moments.
I’d say as a family we don’t really talk about our feelings. I constantly say how I feel, how I miss my friends, how I want a hug and how I fantasize about normality. The other day I was sitting with my other brother and I’m not entirely sure what we were talking about, but the topic of crying came up and how it happens pretty much daily which is okay. We are allowed to be selfish and long for the things we miss despite the situation. I must admit the house is negative, but that’s fair, it’s so easy to be when something huge is a risk to someone so close to you.
However, I am thankful for my friends who I constantly rant to and I can’t wait to be reunited with them. Although if lockdown were to ease, I still wouldn’t be able to see them as we can’t take the risk. Luckily, we have our countless Zoom and FaceTime calls and we are surrounded by very understanding people.
For me what I miss the most are the small things. Being able to eat as a family, getting a hug or just having physical touch. This lockdown is vital, and I find it difficult to understand why people don’t get that. Yes, we all struggle, but living with someone with underlying health conditions really does put everything into perspective.
I probably don’t say it enough to Kishan (so if you are reading this) of course we’d do anything to keep you safe. I guess we should also say a little thank you, for not complaining like we do and getting on with it like you always do with the obstacles you face. Yes, he never complains and takes everyday as it is, that’s just him and his incredible personality. You really are our hero.
For us normality can wait as his health will always be the most important.
We go to bed everyday thankful that he is safe, that we have each other and that our relatives and friends are also safe. We are thankful for the NHS, the keyworkers and the community coming together to fight this virus.
