Tag: never have I ever

My perspective on “Never Have I Ever” as a young, Indian girl. How I went from cringing to appreciating.

“Never Have I Ever” on Netflix is Mindy Kaling’s latest endeavour. The show revolves around a 16-year-old Indian American teen with the show exercising the format of a coming-of-age, comedy-romance. The protagonist, Devi suffers from the loss of her father and has just recovered from having paralysed legs. Essentially, she wants to become more popular in the social ranks whilst coming to terms with her culture.

As a young Indian girl I was sceptical to start the show for obvious reasons. How were they going to explore the Indian culture? Why is it focusing so much on Devi wanting a boyfriend? Why have they branded it as a “steamy teen romance”? Overall, I had very low expectations before starting the show. Despite this, it is a show where you really need to give it a chance.

The trailer really doesn’t capture the shows true essence, its deeper meanings and overall message. It isn’t as cliché as it sounds. Kaling is capable of bringing a fun twist to a high school drama weaving in many aspects of Indian culture.  The show is layered with many characteristics that teens (of Indian culture or not) would relate too. Grief, diversity, therapy, self-confidence, friendship and family struggles are some themes explored.

A female, Indian lead:

The most important aspect to point out is that the show revolves around a young, Indian female lead. This is not common at all and it is satisfying and comforting to have this representation in a show. Personally in society and specifically in media Indian culture or brown people could arguably say that they are a minority or feel like one, in regard to the topics explored in the show. Although there has been this representation in the past, it needs to become more of a norm and this show is just the start. 

The annoying protagonist who is extremely relatable:

When I first started watching I couldn’t stand Devi and her desire to get a boyfriend. Her need to change her friends’ personalities in order to become more popular was also bizarre. However, it is acceptable to forgive her behaviour as she wants to be noticed. She wants to be someone else other than the girl who lost her father, or the girl who was stuck in a wheelchair and miraculously got her ability to walk again. (Don’t understand how gazing at a boy fixed this but that’s another story).

In the beginning and throughout until the end, Devi is selfish. Living in her own bubble, she only worries about herself, alienating her friends and family. She is also handling a very static relationship with her overly strict mother.  However, she is also a typical teenager who is struggling with grief. Devi goes on a journey of growth to come to terms with who she is and who she wants to be. It is easy to dislike Devi but also resonate with how she feels.

BUT…

It is strange how Devi is so fixated on finding a boyfriend. Is she trying to fill the void of her late father or is it all part of her rebelling against her culture? You could argue that it is both but instead of rebelling it is understandable that Devi wants to break the stereotype of having to date someone of the same culture. She has a lot of depth to her character and doesn’t want to stay in her lane. Therefore she is so unrestrained because she is trying to make an underlying statement.

Why so much criticism?

There is a lot of criticism that Devi is “whitewashed”, but I don’t agree with this as her character is an accurate portrayal of many immigrant children. However, I hope that in the next season she will realise that she will want to grasp onto her culture instead of rejecting it. There are many scenes and lines in the show that I personally connected to as a young brown girl. I do believe Kaling is on the right path of exploring Devi’s relationship with her culture which will hopefully be further developed in upcoming seasons. 

People are criticising how the culture was undermined by Devi’s boy drama. Nevertheless, just because the lead of the show is a brown girl that doesn’t mean that the show has to solely focus on culture. Although it is portrayed in an overdramatic manner where some scenes were incredibly difficult to watch as Devi was so deperate, Kaling perhaps has an underlying message. For me it was that many brown girls and ethnic minorities don’t see themselves as beautiful or likeable because they aren’t the stereotype of what is beautiful. I also think, for those who criticised, there is only so much you can portray in one season. Having this perspective presented is one step closer to the further development of Devi’s story. 

Accuracy of Indian culture:

There were many scenes in the show where I thought Kaling was successful in her portrayal of Indian culture. It is important to state that many young Indian teenagers find it difficult to come to terms with their culture, its traditions, and the rules you have to follow. Devi doesn’t hate her culture, and this is certain with the end scene when she goes to spread her father’s ashes. She has a love/hate relationship with her culture which is understandable for many of first generation. Many moments of the show are poignant and perhaps foreshadow how Devi will be more accepting of her culture later on. She is going through a phase which many young Indian girls go through specifically in teenage years. 

My favourite scene was the auntie gossiping scene. For many Indian families, if it’s a wedding, a birthday, prayers at the temple; you just know that there will be. The accuracy and comedic narrative added to this scene was precise and crucial. Kaling really captured the true essence of Indian aunties and their need to gossip and quite frankly be the élite Indian family.

However, I am not satisfied with the portrayal of the arrange marriage. Kamala, Devi’s cousin had such an important role in the show. She had a secret boyfriend Steve, who I do think she loved but she settled for the arranged marriage and I think it would have been better if Kaling defied this stereotype instead and let Kamala be with Steve. Prashant (Kamala’s arranged suitor) is most certainly an ideal man. Yes, many arrange marriages do work out but for the most part it isn’t what Indian girls want to settle for and most fear this. However, they didn’t demonise arranged marriages and  shed a positive light on them with Prashant.

Overall…

If you did find it cringey I guess you have to remember that high school is a cringey experience and most certainly most people at Devi’s age could or can relate. The trailer doesn’t justify the show, so give it a watch and give it a chance. It is eye opening to the Indian community and for others to delve into our world. I most certainly resonated with the show and its portrayal of being “too brown” and perhaps “not brown enough”. “Never Have I Ever” is a refreshing show that I definitely recommend, especially during quarantine!